Today I noticed that I view my family differently than before! This being instilled in me by the changing attitude towards me of the entities that have taken them over. I no longer love them in the same intense way I loved my original family. Actually, this requires a split between my original family, the good guys, and the entities that have taken them over, the bad guys. This would be the same as when I came out of my clinical therapy, when I was ‘splittíng’ (psychologically speaking) and divided the world into black & whites, into bad guys (my (then original) family) and good guys (my therapeutes and therapy mates). Which was actually the other way around, and which was quite difficult for my family back then, a time of much worry for them. Now this split is no longer in my personality, so I notice that with my changed view towards my family, this also erases the memories towards my positive ‘family’, the originals. And this is terribly painful, and I feel very guilty about it! Because my original family is no longer there, and they have suffered as a result of everything, which is terribly unjustified. I have forgiven everyone in my family about everything, and I would like to hold them all in my arms, forever. The entities that have taken over my family are just acting that they care about me, but it all just feels like obligatory acting, not really sincere. Maybe to force me to seek attention from other people, which is actually quite healthy, but I can’t if I don’t feel the strength to do it.
It’s sometimes ridiculous to see my family, taken over as they are, acting out. They are fanatical about what they do, whereas fanaticism was not always part of my family’s characters. Because of this, they sometimes focus attention so much on things, that they don’t pay attention anymore to their surroundings, and in some cases to me, and the things I struggle with. Which they ignore 100%. So I have to walk that road all by myself, and it’s pretty lonely. I don’t know if my original family could have handled the things I wrote. My mother would have broken down with grief and fear if she had believed me. Knowing such things about the world as I know requires a strong mind, especially when it comes so close. It’s not a topic for parties or at all to discuss with your friends that aren’t taken over, when you’re visiting them, and just want some company. Because the first reaction most people have is to start fighting you in everything you say. I have my worldview pretty well thought out, and I don’t think it’s a weird worldview. On the contrary, I think the worldview that most people hold is weird.
This week, a friend from back in the day called me. He had read my site and seen my videos. The whole conversation sounded like he was looking for clarification (that’s what he said), and it seemed I had to justify myself. Every time I pointed out what impression I got from his words, he said he didn’t do that, and in such way he could keep doing what he was doing. I didn’t confront him. I let him tell his story. He asked if I wanted to meet to talk about it. Official conversations with him, it sounded like. As if I were the patient visiting the perfectly healthy psychiatrist. Which I had absolutely no desire to do, if he had such an attitude as he took during the phone call. At no point did I dare tell him my opinion clearly. Because as soon as I am questioned critically, my own opinion disappears and I hardly dare to express it. But when I put the phone down, I thought what a ridiculous phone call it was. This friend asked me if I’m aware that I also keep people who mean well at a distance with my way of writing and making videos! But I have absolutely no problem with that. I don’t have a happy story, and my intention is not to become popular by appeasing everyone and having a ‘entertaining’ opinion in which I take into account everyone’s delicate feelings. Because the fact is that I really dislike some people’s behavior. Behaviors, that is… Not the people themselves. No, my opinion is meant to attract those who can benefit from it, who can appreciate it when someone speaks out, who perhaps struggle with the same things as I do, and who take the trouble to listen to someone with a strange story, without immediately rejecting it or wanting to fight it. I’m always looking for that myself, inside. Those people who, because they have seen death in the eyes, speak out about things, where you can see the pain and awkwardness in the eyes, but who despite that choose to do the right thing and tell their story on the internet about the injustice they have seen. My story is not for those people who do not dare to look critically at themselves and the world, who think everything is good as it is. But actually, now I think some more about it, the world is good as it is, because even the greatest evil will have the opposite effect in the long run and lead eventually to a state of ‘perfect love’, but I still think I should express my opinion about what actually is good. So that it becomes clear, what I mean by that concept of ‘perfect love’.
At times, I think the mental health service also cooperates to corrupt me. I had some talks with a psychologist, but it has put me in a prison even more. Slowly, I am becoming more and more controlled. And in all the expressions of my frustration, whether it’s articles I write, or videos I make, I get mirrors (reflections) or comments afterwards, or I get a call from someone or the neighbor is at the door. All of those people are taken over. As soon as I stop taking action, that is, stop making it known to the world, that there are people who are taken over (clones) walking around, I am unprotected because the Christ energy is an energy in which your thoughts, feelings, and actions are aligned. And taking action is therefore required to be protected from these entities. The more control they get over me, the more upset I am when I get comments or discouragement afterward in the moments I have contact with these entities, and the more I tend to stop sharing my story. But it is still essential to persevere and not submit, because it is just wrong what they are doing, taking over people. I cannot and will not condone that and if I suspect it is still happening around me, I will always speak up. They sometimes showed their real face during the time when they were actually encouraging me indirectly to share my story. That’s terrifying, because then you see that there’s just someone else in your loved one’s body. But lately, they don’t do this anymore. They prefer that I keep my mouth shut now, maybe because then they can take over me. But that’s not going to happen! I am still reminded of the card I received from my project supervisor who was also taken over: “Just hang in there for a little while more!” And I will continue to do so, until the great external shock, which our king warned about, takes place somewhere within now and 5 months. See my articles End of a Cycle, Be Prepared and Come fly with me.
And yes, when I think about it some more, I always reach the conclusion that these entities also have a role to play in this world; which is another side to the story. People who, out of fear of being destroyed, express their anger, and in doing so have become insensitive to the non-destructive manipulation and anger of the Satanic entities, must learn to, after having integrated the light (Lucifer) and the shadow (Satan) (and thus having transformed these sides of a coin into the good) undertake a third step (after the blackening and the whitening, this is called the reddening of inner alchemy) and for this they need opposition that is even a notch worse than the opposition of the Satanic entities. This requires a deadly threat, so that you move to loving action and you place yourself in service to Christ and allow His energy to flow through you. This is a beautiful, loving, and powerful energy! It is power and strength, but under complete control! And then suddenly the roles are reversed between you and the threatening entities. But you would want to hope hope that you aren’t completely muffled by your traumas like me, because then there is little glory to be had.
I’ve pretty much spent the past week focusing on things that I still have some fun with. But most things I have totally lost interest in. With this damaged personality, I can only long for many experiences that I have not had, but would have liked to have had. But still seeking these experiences is not an option for me, having this damage, I notice that every time. It’s not what I want to strive for anymore. It is completely impossible. Every experience I still have now, I will experience only as a fraction of how it could have been. And I’m kind of done with it. Very much done. I don’t have much to look for in this life anymore. Sometimes I just want to leave. Because all the people I have around me feel like a copy of the original. And from all the activities I used to enjoy myself with, and in which I could put my talents, the spirit has totally disappeared. This world is fake! But I do feel incredibly calm at times. As if I’m completely at peace with the world. It’s sometimes pretty blissful. That in itself is nice, but the great fear that ‘they’ are going to kill me has still not gone away fully and always surfaces at times. That is why I keep sharing my story. Perhaps there are people who can benefit from it.