Something very strange is happening again in my life at the moment. I am having grief again at the moment. It was kind of expected. It comes from several things that have happened. First of all, I had a conversation with my counselor last week (who is taken over), and in that conversation I again asked for my diagnosis. She had said in an earlier conversation that she would ask my psychiatrist for it. When I asked for it during the interview, she was acting annoyed and said that she hadn’t asked my psychiatrist, and that I should look at my treatment plan from last year, which I don’t think she gave me. Moreover, if I look purely at what I think I know about it, my diagnosis has changed. So that’s why it is important to me. I wasn’t quite prepared for her to act so annoyed, and so I didn’t address this to her. But it did not sit well with me. I felt I was on my own for a while, without the support of a woman who knows me well, and yes, women have always distracted me from the dangerous men walking around in the world. This all began in the relationship with my father and mother. My mother was mainly for comfort, and my father mainly for punishment. He never expressed his boundaries, but always immediately got very aggressive and coercive, as I also describe in my life story. So for a while, and without the support of my counselor, I was extra open to the aggressive inner man punishing me for my anger, the last week, and that made me a lot more anxious than usual.
Then there were some things that happened! I wanted to confront my neighbor about making my bike pump that was in the shared shed disappear. But she didn’t know anything about it, she said, which is most likely a big lie. However, I did not have the strength to go against her. Furthermore, at the cafeteria in my town, a classmate from elementary school walked in, one with whom I did not get along well in the last years of elementary school. I always felt belittled by him and not accepted. Whenever I was in his presence, his pumped up aura made me feel small even before he said or did anything. Now he was looking straight at me at the cafeteria. I said hi and he looked at me angrily and without saying a word turned his head away. He obviously got this behavior from his mother, who always does the exact same thing. And it makes me feel just as unsafe as I used to feel with him. Destroyed by his aura, even before he has done anything. I pushed him once in 8th grade, in an attempt to make him smaller in his aura, and then he was waiting for me after school with his older brother, to beat me up. I offered no resistance and he banged my head against a wall. Still, I always continued to say hi to him, even though he never said anything back. Once, when we were little, he called my mother weird behind her back, and that hurt me a lot at the time, since my mother was a safe haven for me when I was little, and I idealized her, but also had a lot of pent-up anger towards her. Anyway, after all these years I felt again like the small child, while seeing him in the cafetaria, even though this feeling had been gone for the years I was in my aggression (back in 2004-2005). But it’s no coincidence that I noticed him at this moment, because there’s a big fear towards dangerous men (and women) with inflated aura’s, that I have to learn to deal with. This once began in the relationship with my father. But I’m not the only one who has had to deal with such a destructive energy, because I heard that another classmate from back in the day, who had moved in 6th grade, committed suicide a few years ago. She had been born a day later than my sister and me. This also shook me up a bit, because she seemed so full of life as a child. But I really wonder if maybe the stars weren’t aligned quite right on that date, because I know 4 different people who were born around those dates, and all of them have had to deal with a destructive energy, towards themselves, in their later lives. I don’t believe in coincedence.
But another thing happened last week, which is rather miraculous and comes at the exact moment that I need to process this fear towards my father, so that my anxiety disorder is thus treated. Yes, that I have an anxiety disorder, that’s for sure as far as I’m concerned, but do I also have a psychotic disorder, that’s the question? Many people who read my site will say: yes, it looks like you do, but the confusing thing is that a few years ago a psychiatrist told me that I no longer had a psychotic vulnerability, and that she only saw an anxiety disorder, and that was the moment when I dared to express my thoughts (which are the truth), and to go my own way. But these things are so bizarre to people conditioned by all the lies in education and media, that people will still think I have a psychotic disorder, while I am convinced that I do not. I’m convinced that was a coordinated move by my psychiatrist at the time to get me to speak my mind, because I know damn well it’s the truth. Anyway, this fear was touched by another event, this past week, which was the following:
Next door to my sister lives a Pole, who is quite loud, drinks a lot, uses drugs, and is quite unpredictable. Another man and a woman, both Polish as well, live in his house. My sister has complained several times to the housing association about noise, but so far they only provided neighborhood mediation. But what happened now is that a few days ago, she heard a lot of moaning coming from the house. She talked to the neighbors who live on the other side of this Pole about this. And they told her that there had been a gigantic fight a few hours earlier. My sister didn’t trust it and that’s why she called the police. The police heard the same noise and went to the back of the house to take a look. From there they saw a man lying flat on his stomach on the ground in his own blood. They immediately called an ambulance and went inside. There they found three injured people, one of them in critical condition. Which is bizarre, of course, to live next door to. Also, according to my sister, a man from the Italian restaurant, who saw the police car and ambulance, came to tell the police that a man had walked into the restaurant and proudly had said that he had hit someone, and the man from the restaurant came to give the police the description of this possible perpetrator.
Tonight, me and my sister (who has been taken over) discussed this incident, but we also discussed it with my father and mother (who have also been taken over). I told my sister that it reminded me of the fight I once saw in front of an internet café, in the center of the city where I was for my clinical therapy. At the time, I had just embraced my aggression and was living it through inside myself in fantasy. I had learned to handle this with behavioral therapy, so didn’t act on it, and didn’t hurt anyone. But I was confused by that fight, because I saw the result of what happens when people do act on these feelings (someone was completely beaten up by ten others), and that came together with my own aggression, which I was very upset about, because I never wanted the people to whom I directed my aggression inside (my sister, and my father and mother) to really be destroyed by my aggression. It was pure fantasy. But anyway, because that fight happened, I saw what happens when you do NOT handle it well, and that was shocking to me. And that came back now that the violent crime happened at these neighbors of my sister’s.
Somehow I’ve always identified with this Polish neighbor, because he’s such a sad figure actually. A few years ago, he was kind of pursuing my sister, and then a friend of my sister’s grabbed him rather wildly by his lapels like he was a piece of dirt. Then his pursuing behavior stopped immediately , but I always thought this was disproportionate, because the boy handled it so innocently, with butterflies with sweet words and flowers that he put in my sister’s mailbox. When he was confronted rather wildly by this friend of my sister, he put a note in her mailbox that said, “Jesus loves you.” Now that I know that in last weekend’s crime, all three Poles who lived in that house were injured, I identify with those people again, and I am reminded of the times when people have hit me, shaken me, or approached me aggressively in any other way. I see the futility of this. It feels so unjust, so unreasonable, so disproportionate. And I then want to ask all those aggressors how they cannot see themselves reflected in their victims? How would you feel if you were treated like that, and you lost the support of everyone around you? Can’t you feel how that has felt for you if that might have happened to you in the past? Why do you ignore that? Why do you fight it? I’m just a little version of you, right, Daddy…?
And of course, there is also a lot of sadness involved, the fact that my father has now been taken over, and that his original soul is no longer here. But I do wonder: is it all a coincidence that this is happening now? It is the perfect moment that this is happening now, and so close by, so perfect that it fits exactly with what I am experiencing now, and that it touches exactly that fear? How is that possible? That is such an incredible coincidence. But then again I fear that this is not such a coincidence at all, and that it has been organized exactly like that. Not with the purpose of treating only me, but perhaps with the purpose of killing several birds with one stone, so to ‘treat’ several people at once, perhaps this Pole, and me, and perhaps even more people who are causing problems, which I absolutely disapprove of. These Antichrist being may have taken over someone for this purpose who had to do this violent job, and thereby bring some peace back to these Poles. For if there is anything I have learned, it is that these Antichrist entities deal with several people at once (this can be on a larger scale, as in terrorist attacks or shootings for example, or on a smaller scale, as in this event) using violence, or even lies or the appearance of violence. That is also possible! I guess we won’t find out the truth about this, but for me it so coincidentally confronts me with the latest things I had to process, that it can hardly be a coincidence.
So in this respect, people need to know that there is often more to it than they think. Most people dismiss everything as a coincidence, and as unrelated, but if you know that people are specifically taken over to treat certain other specific people, as it were, then everything suddenly becomes transparent, and you see right through everything. Then coincidence no longer exists, and you see how God, with the help of evil forces (you can call them prison guards or therapists (it’s all in the eye of the beholder)), who can infiltrate everywhere unseen, is leading the development of humanity in the proper direction! This is wondrous to see! But also bizarre! And sometimes very cruel… With the information on my web site, I give everyone a look behind the scenes of what the Earth is for, and what kind of task one has to fulfill here: to return on the path to God…
This was my 100th article! I want to thank you for your attention!
UPDATE:
I was informed by my sister that one woman that belonged to the injured people was in such bad shape that she has died a few weeks ago. So she was murdered in broad daylight…
