In this article I talk about how I get discouraged in many ways, and the importance of continuing to resist it.

Resisting discouragement

Before my colleague Tanja (fictitious name, see this chapter from Section 1 of my story) was taken over, she came into work and told me she was feeling a little weird. I suspected it was because I was obsessively making positive comments to her, something I shouldn’t have done and eventually unlearned. Right after that Tanja was taken over and she was a totally different person. I now catch myself feeling that way too, especially when I’m doing things other than those that are my responsibility. So that means I’m wary, that I shouldn’t accept what they’re trying to do to me. There are a few things that have been playing out in the last few weeks, and so I want to lay them out so that people can see exactly, how these Antichrist entities that are behind the takeovers are effecting the takeovers. I plan to keep writing until it actually happens, so that if it happens to them, people will know not to accept it.

I am not someone who does a lot of praying. I never was. I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask God for all kinds of favors, and besides that, it’s not certain that God will listen, but instead it could be demons who listen to you and give you what you want, but always with a screwed-up twist then. But a few weeks ago, I was in great need of supportive texts, like I sometimes got through Facebook, before I started putting my texts online. I was a little bit stuck and it was an honest cry for support. But what has happened now is that I suddenly get all kinds of texts through Facebook, all of which, of course, I apply back to myself. They are all under the heading “Suggested for You,” and I suspect there is a taken over someone at the controls at Facebook who selects those texts specifically for me. I never get such texts, and now I’m being flooded with them. Apparently the universe has listened to me, but it’s like there’s a mean twist to or with it. And I don’t appreciate that. Because these are texts that are mostly about love or about lost love, and they irritate me, because I’ve left all that behind a long time ago. That’s not the reason I can’t grow anymore. But there are also other texts among them, which sometimes confront me, when I relate them to myself. But I can’t do much with those either. Because I am the way I am and I can’t change much anymore. And that makes me able to let the texts slide off me, but I’m afraid of letting myself still be unconsciously influenced by them.

One text in particular stood out to me because it was a text I had said almost verbatim to someone through the mail: “I can feel the lies in your vibe.”  Image. I had said this to a woman who had emailed me some time ago, and whom I explained honestly, why I did not feel motivated to talk to her.
I also encountered the following text, which I relate to myself: “A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words.”  Image. I think then that the Antichrist entities want to say that my articles are meaningless words, and that I had better keep quiet. I also relate this one to myself: “Patience is not the ability to wait, but to keep a good attitude while waiting.”  Image. I take that one to mean that my attitude is not always good. I also applied this one to myself: “Never force anything. Just let it be. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”  Image. I took it to mean that I force too much with my articles, and that I should just sit back and relax. Very annoying, they are texts that seem to support you, but meanwhile discourage you in a way, and encourage you to sit back, and that is very screwed up.
And this one: “If you want to know someone’s mind, listen to their words. If you want to know their heart, watch their actions.”  Image. I relate to that one again in such a way that I am often passive in my actions and do not dare to act with complete conviction of myself. I also think about the times I am tested by these Antichrist entities, and I almost always fail, not because my heart is not in the right place, but because I do not dare to stand out well and sometimes care too much about others.

One example was me being in the supermarket, and seeing a girl there that I’ve seen before. I think she is a daughter of someone I know, but she looks a bit “worn out”. Her parents I think are also divorced. But I think she was taken over, like her uncle and her mother (I found that out earlier). And she wanted to pay her groceries at the supermarket with some credit card which they don’t accept at the supermarket (she was before me in line). She did about 18 euros worth of shopping. Anyway, her card wasn’t accepted and she had to use debit cards, but she told the checkout lady that she only had a few cents in her account and she couldn’t pay it. My first impulse was to pay for her, but then I became aware of my distrust, that she might have been taken over, testing me, and that it probably didn’t make sense anyway, and a big doubt came over me. 18 euros. You don’t just do that either, and more of that kind of nonsense. And then she said to the checkout lady, “Never mind!” and she walked away. When I saw what she had left, a couple of microwave meals, I immediately regretted it. And in the evening I was palpably pained by it, that I hadn’t crossed my heart, and had let all the doubts stop me. I felt that girl’s pain, even though it may not be real and she may have wanted to test me. And so I often fail at times when I want to do the right thing.
The other day some kids were throwing all kinds of paving stones (with are meant for the streets) into the water, absolutely a dick move. It was a group of about 6 boys. My first impulse was to intervene. My father said, “I’m not going to stop them again.” And so my father and mother both remained passive. And I remained passive as well, even though I wanted to run outside and stop those guys. You just have to take that authority when things like that happen, because otherwise you let the world slide into absolute chaos. But I did nothing and suppressed my impulse for fear of showing myself.

The stream of texts I now receive on my Facebook had actually started with one text from an old friend, from a book she had written. In that book, she talked about how when you are not rooted, you steal flowers from other people’s gardens that are in full bloom, and you fill your own garden with those flowers from others, but they never grow bigger in your own garden, as they do with others, because the flowers are not rooted, symbolizing your own derootment. Of course, this was also a confronting text for me, because I also sometimes tend to include the work of others in my texts, because I think people should look or read those works. But, of course, they are not my works. Could I also be derooted? Yes, I do feel that way these days. Can’t quite explore things on my own initiative anymore and put my own views on them. Am I a thief, when I am honest about what I have read and what things of others I want to show. I always add the name, but apparently that isn’t good enough either, or is it? Actually, this little text from this old friend’s book, discourages me, because there is a sense of ego behind it that I don’t really have. I believe that information belongs to everyone, and that when it is good information, you should just share it with everyone, so that it becomes everyone’s. Stealing flowers (other people’s work), and putting them in your own garden (incorporating them into your own work), implies that with everything, you have to wonder who gets the credit for the information, whereas I see it more as that there is a certain integrative source of information, which we all tune in to, and which we should spread as much as possible. I don’t care if people give me credit for the information I share. That is not what matters to me. It’s just about me spreading it, and helping the world move forward with that. Maybe I’m not well rooted anymore. Maybe I am not strong. Maybe I could do many things better in other ways, but I’m tired of all the demands you have to constantly meet. You have to be good, you have to be handsome, it has to be true what you say, it has to be original, and it has to be consistent, and so on! Because if it’s not consistent, then people can’t hang on you like a blind fan. I just think then: great, I don’t need blind fans. People should keep thinking for themselves and not blindly accept everything someone says, but just go and investigate. I don’t have all the answers either. I can only say that I am often inconsistent in what I write down. As if everything is fluid within me, and I sometimes assume one thing and sometimes another. Perhaps because my roots have been cut out from under me by the trauma. If that means my garden can’t come into full fruition, I just think: it’s just the way it is. That derootment hasn’t always been that way. I know who I was when I still felt those roots. I explain precisely throughout my site that it is so important to walk the middle way, and that includes not repressing your roots. But the more I am treated by these Antichrist entities, the more my roots disappears and the more I lose myself, the less freedom I have to be truly active for humanity, and contribute something of value. In short: I am easily discouraged. I saw one text on Facebook (which, unfortunately, I didn’t save) that boiled down to me attaching to the pain of losing my family, because that’s all I have left of my family, which is terribly confronting. Because it’s true I don’t have anything else left in my personality that I grow from and that brings me emotionally closer to the things they gave me. And that’s very painful. If even little texts on Facebook, which really should be encouraging you, therefore, cause discouragement, then things are pretty bad. But it’s still important to resist! We shall see if my resistance is futile, and whether I will be assimilated…

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