This article describes a strange action by my mental health case manager, and my well-founded doubts about treatment, that is very likely to make me suicidal.

Deranged case manager buys car of my choice

My current case manager at the mental health facility, was joined by a second case manager, for an interview yesterday. She came across as rather deaf and dumb to me, she clearly let him do the talking, which is strange, because if I am to work with her, I should of course know what she is like, but she barely answered my questions, no, he then took over from her. I would now have alternating sessions with both of them, but also with my former case manager, because she is also back after having had loss of function symptoms on one side of her body, probably due to the vaccine that her boss made her take. She has also lost a lot of weight, meanwhile divorced from her husband. And I suspect that she has now also been taken over, but I could be wrong. Taken over people often lose a lot of weight, so you can recognize them, although you can never be 100% sure until they show their Dragon side. However, they will always come up with excuses as to why it is that they lost the weight. The fact that my current case manager was taken over himself is also an option. He is, in fact, acting absolutely weird. It turns out he sold his big Mercedes. He had once bought it for a huge amount, although today he told me a totally different amount than he had told me before. He also bought a huge house with all his money. And he constantly stresses how many things we have in common and that we’ve been to the same places. He suddenly drove up today in a red Toyota Yaris with a black roof, which was exactly the car I pointed out to him when my parents bought a Toyota Yaris. I said I liked the red one with black roof best. And now he’s driving around in it, exactly that one. This is clearly another attempt to peel away layers of my ego, and take away from me everything that binds me to this Earth. My taken over neighbor did the same thing: she bought the exact same blind as me for her kitchen window, which my taken over mother then pointed out, because they want you to notice this. They really do that on purpose especially to make sure that your choices don’t feel like your choices anymore, or as a way of peeling off or taking away from you your ego that wants to express itself outwardly. Another thing was that this neighbor bought the same soda I did when I drank that stuff a lot, which she also pointed out to me at length. For me, such things are a bit more sensitive than for others, because of being a twin and my wish to distinguish myself from others. I am sharing again this clip from Jacob’s Ladder, because it is a very apt clip. In the clip, the following statements are made:

“The only thing that burns in hell, Is the part of you that won’t let go of your life. Your memories, your attachments, They burn ‘em all away. But they’re not punishing you he said,…. They’re freeing your soul."

"If your frightened of dying, and you’re holding on. You’ll see devils tearing your life away. If you’ve made your peace, then the devils are really angels,…. Freeing you from the earth.”

So yes, that is the “ego peeling” that these entities do, although ordinary people can do this unconsciously as well. But of the Antichrist entities, it is their modus operandi. How disturbed do you have to be to make the car you choose depend on one of your clients, just to basically screw him over. Then you have absolutely no identity. And you’re just a psychopath. At the time he told me, I was naturally interested, and I expressed my distrust only minimally, but now that I’m thinking about it here at home, I find it really quite disturbed! It crosses all the boundaries you can cross. And that’s right, because these taken over people are limitless inside too, and they have no respect for you at all. They just act it! When I told him, just like I did to my parents and sister, that if things continue like this, I will most certainly become suicidal, he reacted just as moronically as my parents. Cold, and uninterested! He gave me a fist bump and then he said, “Don’t get suicidal!” But I don’t think he meant it in any way. And with those kinds of people you have conversations at the mental health center. Those are the people who take care of you! They just want to destroy you, but do it very quietly, step by step, until they succeed. But I will not let that happen without making some noise!

I also asked for my diagnosis, but he supposedly didn’t know. But “no personality disorder”. No, not anymore!!!! They’ve been treating me for that secretly for the past few years without me wanting it. “The treatment only takes place in the interviews,” they often lied. In the meantime they took over people in my environment to treat me also during my working hours at the activity center of the mental health institution, with lots of triggers and interventions. First they condition me so much that I become dependent on them. And then they break me down and try to dump me and many others with me. The mental health center can only treat healthy people, I found out. As soon as you have serious problems, they can only destroy you further and that’s what they will do then. And somehow they just don’t seem to get it. When I had a personality disorder NOS, an anxiety disorder NOS, and an identity problem, I felt wonderful inside. But they never give a damn about that at the mental health center. They want to get rid of these diagnoses at all costs, there will probably be rewards for doing so, and they don’t give a damn how I feel about it. They are psychopaths! And of course my case manager knows full well what kind of diagnosis I have, but he knows that I resist when he says: psychotic disorder. Because one of the psychiatrists had told me that I no longer had a psychotic disorder. And that was exactly why I started speaking out about these entities and so on. If she hadn’t, I would have kept it all to myself. And then I wouldn’t have been targeted either. Because when I started speaking out (through their treatment), the terror of taken over people began! It’s all premeditated. It’s one big game. A game that has no boundaries! They don’t care if you’re in pain. They don’t care if they destroy you. They don’t care if you die. Suicide is bad for the mental health services, so when there is a threat of that, they just take you over, but first they lock you up in a clinic, where all your privileges are taken away from you, like in a prison. And yes, then you can’t share anything with the outside world, and then they take you over. They just put in a new entity, without a soul, so propably a psychopath, that imitates your behavior! And then, how miraculously, all of a sudden you are doing well. And nobody notices that you are not the same anymore. But I will not let that happen!

I find it very courageous that some people can be at peace with their death. I wish I could have that more too. But I feel so bad emotionally, that I still resist, and can’t quite see death as a friend. I do embrace death, let it destroy me completely, what do I care, but I don’t necessarily embrace it as a friend. I’m also just angry that it turned out this way. If you have to deal with the disapproving aggression of another person far too early, when you are actually not up to it yet, then you will always feel resistance, especially if there was no way of an outlet for those feelings. There is quite a difference between often not being allowed to be angry, and never being allowed to be angry. If you were never allowed to be angry, you can only benefit from a therapy in which you destroy the inner representations of your parents inside, with your aggression. So then you will always keep a diagnosis, and resist. This is also healthy for me, but you will see that this is exactly what these entities want to suppress. It is crazy! And so terribly out of place! And that causes me so much suffering. I would prefer to just BE! An ex-girlfriend once said this too. That is the most beautiful thing there is, especially if BEING was untaught. In order to BE, both your negative and positive feelings must be integrated into your personality. As I also described in the chapter Identity and aggression. When both sides are allowed to exist, to BE, then you have identity! This requires you to split into two, but in a constructive way! This is the real middle way! You can split in a totally outward way, as taken over people do in the Dragon part of their dual personality. But you can also focus it constructively inward, so that it builds you up, and further crystallizes your identity. With me, it has been directed inward in such an incredibly destructive way that I have been split internally, but in destructive ways, that is. This feels horrible! And the recipe to avoid this is, not to experience too early in your life that Antichrist influence, which is the influence of anger disapproving anger, which is actually disapproval of your core, of who you are. Adults actually benefit from this. Children do not yet. Then you skip a step! Unfortunately most parents do their parenting totally unconsciously!

My case manager did ask me why I didn’t choose for treatment at another institution, if I distrusted theirs so much. And that is a good question, because I will become suicidal if they continue with this treatment as they are doing. They hope that during their treatment new reserves will be activated, but I simply don’t have them anymore. So the last vestige of strength is in my head, and it’s disappearing from my head more and more. And that’s dangerous, because I need my strength to be in my head. That’s the only bit of life I have left. A former psychiatrist said to me, “We’re going to continue to treat, and if you become suicidal, we can still treat that.” So apparently they already take into account that I could become suicidal. But then when I say to them, “Yes, I’m definitely going to become suicidal if you continue this!” After all, I feel that best myself! So why don’t they stop treating me then? Why would you treat someone until they become suicidal? Isn’t that what treatment is for, that they do not become suicidal? In this way they just steer towards it! How criminal is that? And every time I exchange another piece of my mental health for their ideal of how a client should be. It’s insane. When I was in my aggression, and had a personality disorder NOS, an anxiety disorder NOS, and an identity problem, they should have stopped treating me. They condescendingly said to me in that part-time therapy, “You like being in your aggression for a while, right?!” Um, yes, that felt nice. How come I’m not allowed to feel good? Should I be ashamed, then, if I feel good? The alternative they offered is non-existent, and terribly bad, and I’ve been in a giant emotional straitjacket ever since and no one is taking responsibility. What does that even mean? Absolutely nothing. They just continue their practices, unperturbed.

And further: people are taken over at every institution, I think. This is independent of institutions. In the end, all the world is the institution when you are dealing with these Antichrist entities. And you communicate with these entities through your works, from which they can read your mental state. One advantage is that the mental health institution does know me best. When I came out of my clinical therapy, with the diagnosis I mentioned above, I felt very good, and I came across as very strong, but I wasn’t. I’m now a lot stronger than I used to be. I’m a lot calmer as well. I can take more, and I’m not angry about everything. But I feel terrible!! Isn’t that important? My case manager said he wanted to spar with me. And I actually like that, although I don’t usually feel that when I’m among people, but I would like to feel it, but that’s just not going to happen. My behavior can be fixed, but I will always have a giant brake on the experience of those feelings. And that’s horrible and it creates a lot of suffering. I can’t use this handicap, with what have now become my responsibilities. I still have work to do!!! So mental health facility, stop with this blind and coercive treatment frenzy, and just give me a talk once in a while so I can tell my story. That’s all I want!

After I posted this article, I was feeling my strength for a moment. I thought, I shall expose these killers! Coincidentally, before I put the article online, I had been to my taken over sister. We had talked extensively about all kinds of things, including my parents, and that my father never really showed boundaries, but immediately became aggressive. My sister had had a similar experience when she was older. Instead of him saying NO to my niece when she asked a question, and setting a clear boundary on her nagging behavior, my sister saw his aggression building. And so she corrected my father and asked why he didn’t say NO, why he didn’t set a boundary? Why does he necessarily have to get aggressive when she lets him have his way. This bothered him a lot, and he agreed with my sister. My sister had the same experience when she asked him for help once. It was not a good time for my Dad to help on that specific moment. Instead of saying NO, he started forbidding her to ask for help. My sister then became so angry that she told him the truth, and this too he took to heart, and he repented. I thought of the statement of the Gunslinger from the movie ‘The Dark Tower’ (2017), which I will repeat here, but I already covered in my article Should you sometimes use defensive force?

“I do not aim with my hand. He who aims with his hand, has forgotten the face of his father. I aim with my eye.
I do not shoot with my hand. He who shoots with his hand, has forgotten the face of his father. I shoot with my mind.
I do not kill with my gun. He who kills with his gun, has forgotten the face of his father. I kill with my heart.”

Some people behave like animals, but are actually very sweet people behind that, who need to be given a second chance. Just as I had posted this article, I thought of my father’s repentance, which he also expressed to me for the things that went wrong in my childhood, and I saw his sweet face before me and thought of how he must have felt, to see his son and sometimes his daughter fighting and suffering like that, when we were older. And then the grief came again! I cried again for a long time. And the anxiety is very present again now, but I’m really not suicidal and I know that in the course of time the anxiety will slowly diminish again, if I get enough support from the normal people or taken over people around me. It always does! I feel only love now and a great inhibition of that love, which can’t be treated anyway, so I don’t expect that anymore either. But I have confidence in my surroundings now, and my case managers. They do a really good job, even if they sometimes have to screw me over for it! And they work with me step by step to recover as much as possible. And I’m very grateful to them for that, whether they’re taken over or not. I really hope to be able to spar with them in the time to come. And right now I feel battered for a while, but I know that will pass too! As I said, it always does…

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