After the events of the previous weeks, see my previous articles, I was completely destroyed! So for the past few days I have been doing absolutely nothing. I just lay endlessly on the couch, scrolling Facebook and soaking up all the Suggested To You posts. That sometimes brings me back to my strength, but for the most part, there is such an oppressive force on me that I wonder how I keep holding up. My anxiety is very high, it’s not normal. I take such a high dose of antipsychotic for that, but it goes right through. If I didn’t have those meds, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, that’s how bad it feels. Meanwhile, I’ve gotten pretty tired of those texts on Facebook, like: “You are responsible for your own behavior, no matter how you feel.” Well, it does matter how you feel. When you’ve been put in a psychological prison cell as small as the one I’m in, you just want to break out and fight the nonsense people say. So who cares if it’s not kind or nice. That makes me sick too: that there supposedly is nothing better than “being kind to another person.” And that there is never a reason not to “be kind” to another person, according to all those texts. What nonsense! Precisely when I react to such texts, I feel my inner strength. But at the same time, if I am not careful, they make everything dead inside me when I start listening to them.
I am also panicked now to go to the supermarket. Afraid that the taken over cashiers will mess with me, which is something that started some days ago. I only feel shame then. It’s already the most vulnerable moment of the week for me, standing there with my groceries among all those people, forced into that little psychological prison I’m in, and then those cashiers start messing around. Even if their way of behaving were positive, I would sink to the ground with shame if they even look at me once. I just lose my own strength in these kinds of settings and it makes me so vulnerable. I hate it! It’s childish!
Yesterday, in all my fear and despair, I thought: maybe I should stop directing my feelings toward women, so I thought: then I’ll direct it toward men. But then I started to feel so incredibly bad and inferior, then I really don’t want to live anymore. Then I really felt the least of the least, not because being gay in general is so bad, but because when I direct it towards men, I let all my father’s aggression and disapproval wash over me. And there is not a shred of good feeling in me anymore. Then you are an impotent gay man with no self-confidence and no sense of self. Actually, you can’t even “be” then. I am just nothing then. With that I am not saying it can’t be good for others, after all someone else is not like me, but for me it is Death. The least of the least, I feel then. The only thing that made me happy in my life was to direct it toward women. But even that is no longer an option, and that again for other reasons (see my article Wisdom comes with age).
Meanwhile, I had hoped that when the cycle of history ends soon, at the real Great Reset that is, that I had perfectly achieved that middle ground I always talk about, and with it could go to the next level, but I’m absolutely not going to make it, because I’m not well enough put together. I’m too vulnerable. I can’t let go of my family. I am eternally held captive by them. Not by their physical presence, but by the ferocity inside me, for which I have no proper defense. It’s horrible!
My sister, who is taken over, was with me today. I had cooked for us. And she was super kind, and she got emotional for a moment about how her little brother is just not doing well! But really, I have no patience at all to deal with my family or anyone who has been taken over. Because they just feel like strangers to me, at many times. So they just lie about who they are! I have only one authority, and that is Truth. But I’m not so strong emotionally that I can always proclaim the Truth and adjust the connections I make with people accordingly. My family, on the one hand, has been a great support lately, in that they just act normal to me even though I keep posting strange things. But to know that they have taken the place of my original family, I find unforgivable, and so I would like to stand for myself, and not need anyone anymore, the same goes for all the friends that have been taken over. I still need people, I am not independent, and cannot rely on myself, when pressure is put on me. I hate this. How can I ever love myself, like all those texts on Facebook say, when I am like this! I can’t! I want to always be true to Truth, even when things are tough, even when pressure is put on me.
I also don’t want a love relationship at all, not with a woman, not with a man. All I want is to get the relationship with myself right. And to be true to myself. I want to be able to express that inner voice and be a force to be relied upon. All those texts about kindness on Facebook. It’s all false light! As if you always have to be kind and nice. And that if everyone does that, we will have world peace, but that is big nonsense! Kindness is purely an oppressive facade! Is of no use to anyone. The point is to tell each other our real feelings, based on Love and Truth. So for that you have to have transmuted your own hatred into love, but not of that oppressive love again, but strong love, in which you give space to each other’s strength. And then sometimes you have to teach others how to behave. And as long as you cannot do that, there is no place for all kinds of love relationships.
When David Icke was not yet taken over, he used to speak so much truth. In a powerful way. For a long time I viewed him as an example, of how to break free from that prison and express your criticism of many things that people all think are normal! Now this man, now also taken over, is banned from speaking in the Netherlands, by the lapdogs of the WEF, Prime Minister Rutte and his criminal cronies. People are ordering Icke’s books en masse to form their own opinions about the man. ‘Tis just a pity that they order mostly his latest books. I think his last book as himself was The Perception Deception (part 1 and part 2), which I highly recommend. He also has books in which he is critical of the Israeli regime, and rightly so! Or to the so-called Rothschild Zionists, who operate all over the world and take orders from the Rothschild family, one of the richest families on Earth. But people are unable to take in this kind of information, without judgment. Anyone who is critical of Zionists, or the Israeli regime, is immediately deemed an anti-Semite, which is just a way to silence people with valid criticism. After all, Hitler also had this kind of criticism about Jews, of them being a global conspiracy working against humanity. And apparently we have to silence anything that reminds us of Hitler because, according to many people, Jews were gassed. But there is no evidence of this at all. They are strong stories, nothing more, perpetuated by a propaganda machine of many lying taken over people, trying to play on your emotions. Hitler, when he was finally taken over by a Luciferic power (all world leaders are taken over as soon as they become popular), led the Jewish population to labor camps, which is of course outrageous, and as a result many people died there. What we are seeing today, however, is the total ascendancy of the Satanic powers consisting mainly of the Rotschild Zionists that David Icke is so opposed to. And rightly so! They are leading the world right now. It is a reaction to the Luciferic thinking that the Nazis grew big with, and one step more evil than the Luciferic. Because the danger is that you completely trash the Luciferic, labeling it as evil. And then fully embrace the Satanic, which is very dangerous, because the Satanic is aimed at the destruction of everything good. For a healthy person acting in love needs both the expansion of the Luciferic within himself, and the compression of the Satanic. The gift of the Luciferic is the will to freedom.
Anyone who reads David Icke’s books and can control himself and let the information come in unbiased, who can see how world leaders are but pawns of the even higher powers behind the scenes, and how there is a diabolical plan in the combined actions of these Satanic Zionists, to pull humanity into a Satanic fascist technocratic New World Order, where criticism will not be tolerated. It is therefore necessary for humanity to come to terms with the Luciferic influence and learn to see the gifts in it, without falling into hate and accusations that this Luciferic side is fascist. Because actually the Luciferic and the Satanic are united and the rise of the Nazis was intended to completely do away with this Luciferic polarized view, in order to accelerate the development of humanity and make them acquainted with the other side, the Satanic side, which can just as well turn into fascism, which we now see for example in the puppet government of Prime Minister Rutte. So here lies a task for the Luciferic rebellious people, who serve as a control mechanism of the ruling powers, at least if they unite. Parties like the Dutch Forum For Democracy want to encourage this strength among the people, so that there is maximum polarization between the two sides, so that people can maximally learn and work towards the middle ground between these two extremes, which ultimately is our main task in these times!
