In this chapter I describe how I, in the years after part-time therapy ended so disastrously, read more and more to find out the truth.

In search of the truth

In the years in which I was recovering from this disastrous part-time therapy, I started reading an awful lot. All those years I had been in therapy, I had learned an awful lot, but it was actually knowledge that you didn’t hear very often, for example, in education or media. Because of this I did not recognize myself at all in the daily information in the media and society. I then started asking critical questions about everything I had been taught. Was it right for me to believe certain things that I believed? It actually came down to the fact that in many things I was just parroting other people. I didn’t think this was right.

I read more and more about the things that could explain my experiences in therapy. And I went further and further in that search for truth, and saw that there were an awful lot of lies being held up. And few people seemed to realize it. I wanted to find out the nature of reality, and critically examine my own ideas. I liked nothing better than to read as many different books as possible. It started with books on near-death experiences, then came the books on physics (quantum physics), morphogenetic fields, psychology (both popular magazines and more obscure psychology), then books on out of body experiences, books on plasma and cellular water in plasma state, biophotons, a lot of esoteric stuff like auras, then parapsychology, and books on aliens and conspiracies, and finally Rudolf Steiner. I went further and further, diving straight into my fears. Everything I had previously rejected, I started researching, to see if I was justified in my rejection. Usually I found large amounts of information, and my rejection turned out to be completely unfounded.

I became aware that many newer insights have not yet made it into the mainstream at all, or even that information is deliberately kept away from the mainstream. In very many fields of study you have suppressed information! And there is suppressed religion as well as suppressed science, suppressed political views and so on. I began to see that this is a coordinated effort to keep real knowledge away from the common people. By thinking integrally, I was able to discover the real truth of the world. And most of the things I had learned before were just focused on lies, I found out.

At that time, I first came across David Icke’s videos on YouTube. At first I didn’t understand anything he was talking about, but I wouldn’t turn him down until I understood what he was trying to say. He was talking about the Moon being hollow and that aliens lived there, watching the Earth. That the Moon had been put in exactly that place by aliens that it looked as big as our Sun. And that a race of interdimensional aliens of a reptilian nature were controlling this world, behind the scenes. Crazy information, of course, but I wouldn’t dismiss it until I had investigated it myself. I ordered books like Children of the Matrix, Remember who you are, and The Perception Deception (Volume 1 | Volume 2), incredibly thick books with incredible evidence that the elite of this world are conspiring and committing criminal acts in order to move as quickly as possible toward a tyrannical globalist world order in which the elite are literally turning against the people. But also much evidence of these reptilian aliens, who he said are at the top of the food chain, using the Earth as a farm with humans as their livestock, whom they entice from invisible dimensions to commit immoral acts only to devour them as punishment in the afterlife when they die.

David Icke also explained that these reptilian aliens pretend to be humans and you never know who you are facing. They are said to have such far-reaching control over matter that they can change their own form, which is called shapeshifting. They could retain their human form only if they could drink enough blood and devour humans.

David Icke also interviewed Arizona Wilder, who said that the royal family of England, as well as many other famous people, are reptilian aliens, and that she has been to meetings at specific castles, where they perform rituals, and devour people (and babies). She gives many details in this interview. Also, David Icke interviewed Credo Mutwa, an African Zulu healer who talked about the Chitauri, an alien race of reptilian beings who devour humans and live underground.

When I had just read these books by David Icke, I dreamed once that I was walking down the street and suddenly something jumped on top of me, holding me in a grip. I could hardly get any air, and tried to resist, in which barely succeeded. Until, with all my strength, I managed to knock the creature off me. It was a small grey alien, one of those classic grey aliens with those big black almond eyes. The moment I looked into its big eyes, it brought its bony finger to its mouth, and made a ssssshhhttt gesture: Image. It was clear that I was not allowed to talk about the things I knew.

I had to and would delve further into these theories, because somehow I myself had become increasingly consumed by everything I had been through and was suppressing my instincts, my aggression. This aggression, according to scientists, originates in the human reptilian brain, the deepest parts of our brain (brain stem) where instinctive behavior is regulated. So it made sense that I started projecting these rejected parts outward and wanted to read about these reptilian aliens.

I started delving further into these theories by watching Dan Winter’s videos, about the extraterrestrial origins of our DNA. And a whole world opened up. I also first came upon the work of Donald Marshall, who talks about how the elite are using cloning. The sheep Dolly as we know it is a form of reduplication, but there would be another form of cloning that they use for humans, called deduplication, where people are not grown from infancy, but where people’s bodies are grown in large liquid tanks, in a very rapid manner. Donald Marshall also told about vril aliens, a kind of reptilian aliens, with a protrusion (proboscis) on the head, which they drill through the eye of victims with which they suck out the brain and with which the victim then comes under complete control of these vril powers, who eventually want to work toward world domination. All known people or people who reveal too much of the truth are under the control of these powers and thus are in fact taken over. This was the most scary information I had read so far. And it was described on Marshall’s site in so much detail that it triggered my fear considerably.

Later it would turn out that all these topics I was diving into were layers surrounding the real truth. What was true on one level later turned out not to be true at all, but I wouldn’t find that out until much later. Regardless, it was an interesting and exciting exploration, and I had a great time with it. And always I kept all this information and the things I had learned to myself.

Finally, in Rudolf Steiner’s work, I read about the various evil forces at work on Earth. Lucifer, Ahriman and the Asuras. I call them Lucifer, Satan and the Antichrist, because those are the devil names, which we are most familiar with here in the West, but so there is a mutual difference between these three names. Those who walk the middle path between the two evils of Lucifer and Ahriman/Satan walk the path of the inner Christ. This is esoteric Christianity, and has nothing to do with the exoteric Christ you are taught about in many churches. No, this is about your psychic condition and your state of consciousness. Those who go the way of the inner Christ, and with the help of truth, confront injustice and uncover secrets, will face the Asuras, or Antichrist, who peel layers of your ego by their destructively compressive treatment, in order to finally set you free in your ego. And make you super strong!

I did not know that, with my intention to learn the truth, I would eventually become a danger to the same occult groups I had read about in all those books….

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Section 1: 1984-2017

Section 1


A brief overview of my childhood, how my treatment for severe anxiety and identity issues went all wrong, and how I deal with the disastrous consequences.

Section 2: 2018-2023

Section 2


How I discover information about entities taking over bodies and how these entities eventually open the attack on me and those around me.

Section 3: various topics

Section 3

various topics

An explanation for my experiences in therapy, multiple other things I have discovered in my quest for truth, and my opinion on additional matters.




These are some of the articles I have written over time. Some are offline now, but have reappeared in the three sections of my story, displayed in the Introduction.