Just before I was discharged from the Center for Psychosis, when the mental health facility threatened to sue me for libel (see my article Treatment terminated after threat to report libel), I had received my diagnosis. They would never have let me go if I hadn’t been able to fight my way out of my diagnosis on my own, so they did a good job, even though it seems like they screwed me over by discharging me and leaving me to stew in my own juices with a serious diagnosis. I remember there being a primary disorder and a secondary disorder. I don’t know exactly how that works. But one was unspecified schizophrenia and the other was a delusional disorder. Now that I have recently let go of the part of unprocessed feelings to my mother and sister, I don’t think I have schizophrenia anymore. The clinical picture has improved considerably, although unfortunately at the expense of how well I feel. So it’s a bit of a double-edged sword. I think I only have the delusional disorder now. But I’m hopeful that I’ll fight my way out of this too, and I hope that my feelings will recover in a different way later on.
This is also clearly evident in the texts I type. They are a lot calmer and less desperate, and I am also less desperate in real life. I am also starting to gain some insight into how it works, especially with regard to my delusions of reference. Because I have such an extensive inner world of feelings and thoughts and am not comfortable in my body, and because it is clearly caused by the fear of being destroyed, which is triggered by the disapproval that every person has to learn to deal with in their adult life, I often feel that everything that happens, all the things I see, all the things I hear, and so on, are related to what is going on inside me at that moment. For example, I received a very nice message from my father asking how my intestines were doing, because I had told him the day before that I was having some intestinal problems. It was as if he sent me a message to trigger me, for example, a threat, and then abandoned me, so that I had to deal with it myself, exactly as always happened in the past. I thought he wanted to trigger me with the message, as if he was saying, “Hey, homo! How are your intestines? Have you been fucked in the ass! That’s why you have problems with your intestines!” Even though my sexual preference has always been pointed towards women, and I hate it when men invade me so invasively. I was disgusted by the message at that moment! I thought: first damage me and then take care of me for the rest of my life with that feigned concern.
I say feigned concern because I believe that there has indeed been a change in the people around me. And that creates the illusion that the concern is not genuine, due to this disconnect between their behavior and their energy. However, I no longer believe that they have truly been taken over. I now believe more that they are still the same, but that the connection to their Spirit has been released. I have not yet updated Section 3 of my story with this information, but I do have updated Section 2. In the end, it is a fail-safe mechanism of God to provide people who are at the end of their tether, or who produce works, or who have connections with people who produce works, with a change in their frequency, so that they are under God’s control and exert the right influence on the people around them, so that there is enough friction to learn. The change in their frequency is what I have clearly noticed in my family and friends. Their habits are still exactly the same, and so is their personality, but the energy with which they present themselves is reversed and outwardly focused! God makes everything new!!! And that is what I have noticed! People who have suffered a lot of abuse are automatically provided with a liberated energy when they surrender, so that they can come forward with their story. I don’t think it’s true that they have been taken over! So we probably don’t need to be afraid of the phenomenon.
The next day, I was able to see the message I received from my father as a sweet message that I needed at that moment. He means well! And I forgave him long ago for everything that happened in the past.
Anyway, I still have this delusional disorder, which mainly manifests itself in delusions of reference. However, if I give myself time to collect myself, it’s perfectly manageable. I am no longer convinced that my family and friends are treating me with precise knowledge of how to do so. It all works through frequencies. And so it is a universe full of intelligence. Moreover, I have also noticed that I sometimes say things to people on impulse, and later think: “Hey, if I were them, I could have interpreted what I said as a trigger and taken it personally. Even though that was not my intention at all. It was just an impulse. I do believe that with those impulses we can piggyback on Lucifer/Satan/Christ/Antichrist energy. But I no longer believe that my family and friends do that on purpose. Because I wouldn’t know how they could coordinate that. It’s not like they call each other and then agree on a plan. No, it just works on impulse, automatically.
When I startled awake last week with a green flash, it seemed, as I describe in my previous article, as if I had been cut off from my origins. I felt completely different for a moment, and then my memories slowly came back. It was a warning as a result of my behavior. Because the Antichrist force is very active in dreams, but also in how people behave. It is a real thing. But I noticed that these delusions of reference, even happened in computer games. And those have nothing to do with taken over people. So I could see that the frequencies are active, but that they are not consciously fired at you by the actors involved. And that is a great improvement in my condition! It took a lot of tears! But working hard to process things does pay off, and that really does me good!
Through that green flash, and being cut off from my origins for a moment, I realized that it probably works in such a way that part of your energy is released, for example due to the connection with Spirit being broken, and as a result you feel completely different from one moment to the next (it probably happens in your sleep). Then the memories slowly come back, but because the old energy is missing, certain memories no longer stick, and part of your memories fade into the background. That explains the memory loss that people who have experienced it sometimes seem to have. But it could just as easily be the other way around. That certain traumatic memories are deliberately removed, allowing you to regain your energy. But I think a lot of it happens automatically and is self-regulating.
So I am indeed describing a real phenomenon! This is not part of the delusional disorder. The people around me have changed massively in terms of their energy! So, dismissing this as part of the delusional disorder is incorrect. I am accurate in what I observe. And I have described the function of the phenomenon in the third paragraph of this text. So we all influence each other through our behavior. Just because someone has a destructive effect on you does not mean that person is doing it on purpose, although that is of course possible. And if someone is under the influence of God, you can often use it to your advantage. Become aware of the story that everything and everyone around you is trying to tell you. Then let it wash over you, and allow yourself to feel all the emotions it evokes. Then let it pass, and take action. That is truly the best advice I can give people. But sometimes you have to suffer a lot and work very hard to get yourself to that point. However, I hope that everyone who struggles with the same things as I do can see that the solution lies in trusting in God and His creation. I am not there yet, but today I feel truly hopeful!
