In this chapter, I'm going to talk about the fact that people develop sexual identity through the influence of childhood experiences.

Sexual identity

People develop sexual identity through the influence of childhood experiences. So sexual identity is not innate as many people think. Of course you are born with a certain temperament, but character traits and your identity develop through experiences, which are usually in the area of how you and your emotions are being handled. This can change throughout your life. So sexuality is not something that is necessarily fixed.

If you want your son to be feeling like a “man” in his later life, he must necessarily let go of his mother and, once he grows up, be close to his father more and, later, his own peer group. Girls can always feel like women when they are around their mothers. So you need an example that you hang out with a lot so that your gender can develop as corresponding to the birth sex. This is one of many tasks of the parents. But unfortunately, this fails more than ever, because many parents are unaware of their own behavior or get off on reversing classic gender roles.

There is a group of homosexuals who are incredibly afraid of being attacked for their sexuality, especially young adults, all of whom are going through an identity crisis anyway. In those cases where they fear disapproval of their homosexuality, it is often just the disapproving behavior of the same-sex parent that has created their sexuality. This can be, for example, disapproval of anger, and in this case you always keep an inner representation of your parents in your mind who disapprove of you for who you are, which you then encounter all the time in society. It is important that you learn to deal with that. You can’t force the whole world to like your behavior. And you don’t have to care about that at all. That is precisely where your inner strength is. You must learn to make your own decisions, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Most people now largely embrace homosexuals with only love, compensating for the great aggression that still exists against them in that area, especially abroad. Perhaps it should be fully pushed first, so that humanity will know that it exists, and violence against homosexuals will stop, but you can be critical of the behavior, as you may with any behavior. Everyone accepting everyone’s specific desires and wishes in the sexual sphere (on to the craziest things), is disastrous for a moral society. It is not the way to nurture a sense of self. If you want to gain an identity independent of another, an identity in which you strive to better yourself, then you need criticism and disapproval precisely in your development. It’s about becoming aware of why you have some desires, and in making you aware of the feelings that are actually behind them.

People determine to whom they direct their feelings, and ideally they do so consciously. Being a slave to feelings and needs, and pretending that falling in love just “happens” to you, really isn’t normal. Ideally, one makes a choice in which mind, feelings and actions are aligned.

The focus today is very much on sexual identity, and other traits a person has are often unknown. Of course sexuality is your foundation, but do we really need to discuss and celebrate what makes someone horny? I think it’s private. It’s bizarre that we focus on it en masse. It’s much more interesting to know what other traits you have, but no one cares about that these days. You see excessive identification with orientation anyway, or with skin color, profession, body size, political affiliation, or whatever. But who you are is so much more than that! Only when we learn that will we be able to look at the world and each other with a critical eye without collapsing or tearing things down.

The Western world in general has lost its way quite a bit. Fucking around from your 20s to your 35s to appease your anger or sadness or lust, and then not being able to find anyone after that, which is a bit the case with many Western people. Many people are deceived in this way. In that respect, Christian and conservative youth often take a different approach. Some people are condescending about those people, but I find the more long-term thinking smart, although I often have the idea with Christian youth that they do not dare to explore the world at all and, on the contrary, try very hard to stay away from everything that one considers “evil,” thus missing the opportunity to integrate this side of themselves and work through it! You can also learn to use your aggression for good, to empower yourself, and people often don’t understand that. 

Every person has typical male and typical female characteristics, but that is about the inside, and has nothing to do with mixing a typical male appearance with a typical female appearance. That is what the media would have you believe with all these examples of androgyny, gender neutrality, gender fluidity, women with beards and so on. But it becomes a downright freak show, in which everyone finds their own “unique” external expression, but in terms of character they are not different from anyone else in anything, and don’t actually add anything, compared to the rest. It becomes one big diverse uniformity, and has nothing to do with what people should actually stand for: real contents of character. When I see Gay Pride on TV again, I wonder what exactly people are proud of, and why they want to force it down my throat. Pure compensatory behavior. After all, if it’s something you don’t choose yourself (because that’s what they always say), why on earth should you be so proud of it? Misplaced it is. And vulgar. In any case, it doesn’t help stopping the violence against gays. And of course it is important to stop that, but gays themselves have a role in that. As victims, whining for acceptance and love when someone makes a joke doesn’t really give a very resilient impression. There are just a lot of sissies among them. It is important for everyone (men and women) to be resilient, to be able to withstand criticism, and even disapproval. That is often quite a process. It is confronting your fears, it is confronting others, but also confronting yourself. Only then can you continue to develop yourself.

Everyone has feminine and masculine characteristics, but that is about the inside, about your character. It is normal for your physical expression to match physical reality. This is binary. A constant dilution of this physical reality is what is the intention of the evil forces acting on man. It is wanting to destroy the shadow, and its binary state. No, physical reality must remain binary, is my opinion. That allows for learning experiences in the world. Beyond that, we can develop spiritually and learn to look at the world non-dually, but the basis is binary. Wanting to destroy the binary, is an example of the influence of the Antichrist entities. I tell more about that in the next chapter.

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Section 1: 1984-2017

Section 1


A brief overview of my childhood, how my treatment for severe anxiety and identity issues went all wrong, and how I deal with the disastrous consequences.

Section 2: 2018-2023

Section 2


How I discover information about entities taking over bodies and how these entities eventually open the attack on me and those around me.

Section 3: various topics

Section 3

various topics

An explanation for my experiences in therapy, multiple other things I have discovered in my quest for truth, and my opinion on additional matters.




These are some of the articles I have written over time. Some are offline now, but have reappeared in the three sections of my story, displayed in the Introduction.