A lot of people think psychosis is a brain disease. But in my case it was combined with personality problems. So there was nothing broken in my brain; instead it was about the way I dealt with my emotions and other people’s emotions. I have gotten to know myself really well by all those years of therapy. It was never the intention that I kept suffering a psychotic vulnerability, but it was the result of overlooked trauma by my therapists at that time. Through a part-time therapy I received (five afternoons a week), I came face to face again with my trauma and it destroyed me, while before that I fought very agressively against it to not acknowledge it and that was how I coped with that trauma. These agressive fantasies were taught to me in a clinical therapy. The reason that it wasn’t clear to those therapists that I had that trauma (fear of being destroyed) was because in that clinical therapy I had only talked about another related trauma. By receiving the part-time therapy, my fear of being destroyed became a reality. Since then I had a psychotic vulnerability.
Through later counselling/therapy my psychotic vulnerability has now turned into an anxiety disorder, and this site is a way to overcome the fear of showing myself. However, my ideas about this world sound rather psychotic. People think they can conclude if you’re psychotic (or schizofrenic), by looking at the subjects you talk about. Psychiatrists are guilty of this too. For example, if I say that I ‘receive’ messages from TV or people around me, they say: you are psychotic! While it is precisely the way God and ‘God in others’ communicates with people. Even if I give meaning to things that the psychiatrist doesn’t see any meaning in, they say: you are psychotic. But who says that nothing has meaning in your environment? A person has two brain hemispheres. The left one sees details predominantly, while the right one keeps an eye on the big picture. Many people nowadays are predominantly left brain dominant. This means that they predominantly have a flow of consciousness that works from the inside out. In order to get this in balance, they have to learn to listen more to other people, regardless of whether these people are positive or negative to them. In this way they can learn to look inside themselves and integrate a flow of consciousness that works from outside to inside as well, which makes the overall state more balanced. The logical consequence is then that you also start thinking more about the nature of reality because the dominant information at this moment in media and education is very left brain dominant. You then realize that most things are not true, with yourself as a living proof. Reality is more comprehensive than people think, and there is a material component as well as a spiritual component. A lot of people hold a lot of conflicting ideas, but I’ve always wanted to be as consistent as possible, and I’ve deconditioned myself tremendously by asking questions about everything. This is a matter of going straight to where you least want to look. This is the way to overcome fears and to learn about the nature of reality.
So reality has two components, a visible part and an invisible part. There are an awful lot of secrets in this world. Just the fact that the elite are in all kinds of secret societies such as Freemasonry is proof of this. Obama is also 33rd order Freemason and you wonder what information he has gathered at the different levels. People who can look inside themselves, are connected to this invisible world, and automatically search for this secret information, which they are so hungry for. These phenomena are no less real than the visible part of reality, although they often remain speculation. What makes psychotic people psychotic is that they become afraid of these phenomena, but seeing the invisible part of reality (obtained through study) is actually the original state of humanity. Unfortunately, humanity is currently far away from seeing the invisible part of reality because it has been brainwashed by incorrect materialistic information. An example of this is that consciousness is a byproduct of the brain, and that we are all isolated from each other. This is because of the psychic state of repression and the ego which has not yet been fully worked through and released. You can only release your ego if it has developed well at first, but psychotic people have often done this forcibly because of unpleasant experiences in childhood, for example. This causes them to experience fear for the subjects they focus on. But there are also people who have had a healthy ego development, and let go of the ego, which spiritualizes their mental state, which is actually a very advanced state. And those people talk about the same subjects.
I have been suffering a psychotic vulnerability, but nowadays all I suffer is an anxiety disorder. This is because of the treatment I’ve had in recent years. People in my environment deliberately repeating the behaviors that hurt me, slowly hardened me to these behaviors, and now I no longer have this psychotic vulnerability. The vulnerability that is left is an anxiety disorder, a general fear of showing myself and my anger. Furthermore, I am in a terrible emotional prison. Unfortunately, I have to live with this. In the absence of counsellors with agogical qualities, my therapists even instructed some of my co-workers to treat me, without them having studied for it. (I have a job at a activity center of the mental health facility). Apparently it was very important to treat me. Is this how they work? While they deny it vehemently and just say I’m psychotic? Later I knew that they said this to harden me and that it only has made me stronger.
Only later did the suspicion grow that there was more going on, when people who had nothing more to do with the mental health facility, triggered me about aliens, just after I started talking about aliens with my therapist. Whereas before that, I never came across triggers like that. So it seemed that the triggers were now moving to people outside the mental health facilities. With delusions, it is often said that the patient misinterprets certain triggers. And that’s okay, but what is clear, is that others sometimes perform these triggers on purpose, and sometimes not.
In those days when I was psychotic, I thought very integrative, and I devoured a lot of books, so I knew a lot about the invisible part of reality, and my conclusion now is that nothing is what it seems. In the books of David Icke (see ‘Home’ page) I came across alot of evidence for the presence of aliens on this planet. Because I knew that these aliens had infiltrated high positions in society, I added up that they had also infiltrated the mental health facility. They have their own networks of entitites who use people’s bodies, with whom they communicate to ‘treat’ certain targets, because that’s what it comes down to. They want to catalyze your development under the influence of their negativity. Anyone who wants to develop needs friction, that’s the bottom line. So these ‘aliens’ deliberately provide triggers to encourage you to develop. In the article ‘The conclusion of my metaphysical search for truth’ I describe in which groups these entities can be classified. The Lucifer and Satan groups are in fact not malignant, although they seem so to the undeveloped mind. However, the Antichrist group is malignant, and really kills people by taking over their bodies, and let those be the ones I have in front of me, because I have already conquered Lucifer and Satan, they think. What they don’t realize is that the expansion that comes with Lucifer is nothing more than a memory for me of what I experienced in the therapies, when I was in my mentally pumped up aggressive state. For the function of this expansion is to keep standing (mentally) during the compression that Satan and the Antichrist fire at you, and I haven’t been able to do this, otherwise I wasn’t in this terrible mental prison I’m in. And that’s why I think they should leave me alone. It hurts me that they continue despite my lack of focus and confidence. And it hurts me most of all, that I have to miss more and more of the people around me. I get the feeling that it’s my fault, that this happened, even though I wasn’t the one taking their lives away from them. But indirectly I was, because I kept quiet for a long time.
Triggers can also take place non-purposely or non-consciously. What the left hemisphere dominant person says, that all these triggers are coincidence, is absolutely not true. Then you just fail to see the big picture, and focus on details that seem isolated from each other, while they’re not. And that’s an unbalanced view. I explain triggers by the idea that we are all portals for influence from the spiritual dimension, and we all more or less carry out the will of entities that hang around us in the astral dimension. The ego then gives us the feeling that our behavior originated within ourselves, whereas this is not the case, but it was inspired by invisible entities. Thoughts do not originate in ourselves either, but are inspired by these entities. Read Rudolf Steiner for this. The Lucifer and Satan entities affect all of us in our behaviour. If you want to break free from the influence of these two groups of entities, you will have to walk exactly the middle way between these opposing extremes, the path of Christ, who gives confrontational love to these Lucifer and Satan entities and thus gives them the opportunity to develop. But Christ gets a challenge in the Antichrist entities, which work through into the bodies of people that are taken over. They try to penetrate your own circle of friends, when they know you can ‘see’ them. These entities should not be approached with love, but with the sword of Michael/Christ. Don’t allow these entities anything, because they take everything you allow them.