For a while, it was clear that I was scrutinizing myself. I wasn’t allowed to make a single mistake, and then you end up making a mistake anyway. A few weeks ago, I told my parents that I needed to clean my house because it was a complete mess, and I was going to do that a few weeks ago. But I had a headache, I was anxious, and I was so introverted that I couldn’t muster the energy to keep my surroundings clean. And so, once again, I did nothing. I am completely dysfunctional at the moment. And that often happens when people are at the end of their rope. I felt incredibly guilty that I had talked about taking action again and couldn’t follow through. And in my head, it doesn’t feel like I’m responsible for that. Because if I weren’t such a mess, I would have cleaned my house long ago. So who is responsible? Who gave me such an awkward personality? Who has been picking on me for years? Who raised me? Who treated me completely wrong in therapy? It feels like everyone is responsible except me, because I’ve always done what I could. I really haven’t been passive in all this. And now everything I do, fails. And if the responsibility you have to bear is greater than what you can handle, then I hold someone else responsible for that. And God is watching. And does nothing! Allows it all to happen! I got really angry a few weeks ago for this reason, and I cursed a lot in my apartment, to just feel my anger again. And that feels good. Some people say: you shouldn’t blame God for what people have done to you. But if God lets imperfect people play father and mother, then you know there will be trouble. And he is indeed to blame. The Antichrist is the punishing God, and he knows he’s wrong, otherwise he wouldn’t ask us for love and validation for his actions. If he were strong, he would allow anger among the people, just as I have always allowed the anger of all his evil minions. Then you admit your own part in it and listen with compassion to what someone has to say, instead of letting those people die! And yes, a day later, I saw a red flash because of my anger. While it was necessary for me to regain my strength, and that would not have been possible without my anger. So I really don’t know what to do with those flashes. And later I got another red flash, and I have no idea what it was for. They are unable to communicate directly. How do you think that’s working out? Moreover, it is precisely those people who feel guilty who are most affected by it.
For those who don’t know what I mean by “flashes”: The Antichrist force lets you know in this way which cardinal sin/chakra you transgressed the day before. They are brief visions that occur when I wake up startled in the morning.
The “God” with whom I seem to have daily contact and who communicates using absolutely all channels is not the real God of this world! He is definitely not omniscient, because I have to explain everything about my life to him six times before he shows any understanding! He needs a lot of work from you so that he can see how you are doing, because without this work he knows NOTHING about you. And he thinks he can judge you. Total nonsense! He comes across to me as a retarded Angel who is terribly slow to understand me, and I want nothing to do with him. He only communicates indirectly, so that it has extra effect and causes extra pain. Am I devaluing him now? No, I am judging him fairly on his behavior, as a Christian would. He is not God, he is the negation of God. He tries to lead me astray with terrible dreams. (A few weeks ago, my phone flew across the room again before I woke up startled, because I was physically fighting again). When I say that I would like to have a relationship with a woman, he gives me dreams about women and tries to set me up. While in this state, I am absolutely unable to function, and he must know that, if he is so omniscient. This is not God’s work. This is the work of the Antichrist, who always gives you what you ask for, but with a hidden twist. The real God does not interfere at all with what is happening on Earth. He has compassion for His people and He loves us, regardless of whether we love Him at that moment. He knows that we are in a process of development. And He knows that He has arranged everything so that everything will turn out well. He does not punish for mistakes, and He sees when you can do something about it and when you cannot. Behind my anger, there is a lot of misery.
I have always said that we must also embrace Satan with love, because this power is necessary in order to grow up, but if Satan behaves like the Antichrist, then it is logical that you cannot immediately embrace him with love, because the Antichrist is truly realistic evil, especially if he is deployed too early. It is a prison of the highest order. And you are not allowed to protest; you have to let the world take its course to destroy you. Any attempt to escape it is considered abnormal behavior. That’s how it has felt all these years.
Because the suggestion was made through various channels that I was rejected by my “God”-appointed love because I cannot be there for her at the moment, my anger once again moved into the upper chakras, and that ended in a nasty flu with a major throat blockage. And then the neighbor was at the door again. She talks about all kinds of pests that keep coming back, and just when she thinks it’s over, they’re back again. Who could she be hinting at? Me, of course! It actually went in one ear and out the other, because most things don’t bother me anymore.
But today I also had a nasty experience with my father. I’ve been feeling quite ill for a few days and my mother had done some shopping for me. In the evening, I spoke to my father on the phone, who said in a mocking tone, “Would you like us to get you something else to try out?” I asked what he meant by that, and once again he was unaware of what he meant. I responded irritably and said that I felt there was a double meaning in his words. But he denied it completely, even though his tone was clearly mocking. That evening, I realized that I hadn’t paid my mother yet. Sometimes you feel like the son who is taken care of when you are sick, so I didn’t think about it right away. And then it dawned on me! Was that why my father had said it in such a mocking way? What kind of unfair person are you, trying to make your point in such an indirect and accusatory way? Disgusting. So I called him, pissed off. But all I got was denial and rambling stories about bonds of trust. It came across as so incredibly fake. Because his energy is set to KILL KILL KILL, and meanwhile he preaches love and trust and warmth and stuff. Yuck. And then at the end of the conversation, I agree that everything is fine again. When it’s anything but okay. How hard is it to ask someone something in a normal way, or to gently point something out to him? No, I have to believe that my father is an unguided missile and is just running around like a headless chicken, doing things he doesn’t even know the origin of. Just instinctively piggybacking on the Antichrist frequency. It’s so bizarre when people are possessed and exhibit Antichrist energy. Because they really are headless chickens. Or there’s real malicious intent at play, but I don’t think that’s the case.
