Christmas Day 2020! It was a fun day with my parents and sister. We talked a lot, listened to music, watched movies, had a great dinner. But still it doesn’t feel good. From time to time my thoughts wandered. I feel very guilty. Guilty that I’m partying with my father and mother and sister, when I actually know they’re not my father, mother and sister. The tears were pouring down my cheeks when I rode home, because it feels so wrong. On top of that, tonight, when I was alone at home with my laptop on my lap, I suddenly received an email that I ordered a book about chess from Amazon, while my sister had been looking at it on her phone that afternoon. I absolutely did not order that book. It’s not the first time something like that happens, and I suspect my sister every time. Another time I got a password reset email because someone apparently had entered my email address and pressed password reset. Then it was my hotmail account. Very strange! And my sister denies it, but by now I know that kind of behavior which I also encountered with someone from my work who had also been taken over. She did betray me massively and deceided me with her whole box of tricks. As I said: I am being treated as in a treatment center, but not only by people within the mental health facility anymore, but now by targeted people taken over by these entities or aliens or demons or djinns, whatever you want to call them, I don’t even care anymore. I think they communicate with their leaders at night, because they are strictly controlled, and they are given a kind of assignment, just like mental health workers within the mental health facility being controlled by psychiatrists, because they are ultimately the main ones responsible. And they work together with the treatment staff within the mental health facility, in which these entities are infiltrated.
Furthermore, I received a financial gift from my parents, and this also feels very wrong. Because they don’t have the right to spend my parents’ money, even though they now pretend to be my parents. So I can’t accept that either, so I am going to pay it back. It just feels so wrong! Today we were going to Utrecht to celebrate Christmas with my brother and his family. But that doesn’t feel right now either. It’s so weird actually. They act exactly like my parents and sister, but the energy is totally different. My father talks endlessly, he just doesn’t get tired of it. They can be very draining and I recognize that from when I finished my clinical therapy. I was in my aggression back then, and yes, you don’t get tired then, you have endless energy in such a state and you are an energy parasite, always draining other people. These entities are also in their aggression, only they act out the roles of my parents and sister, because they have their original memories.
When I give my mother a hug, she consciously keeps her mouth very far away from my face. Looks very strange. She says it’s because of the corona, but I think she is keeping her mouth away from my eyes. If these dragons want to take over, I think they pierce your left eye with their shapeshifted tongue, and in that way they poison you, making you one of them. The Internet is full of celebrities with a black eye or a bloodshot eye. All these people have been taken over. But they can hide their harmed eye with their shapeshifting. Remember the Antichrist in the Bible, who has a fatal head wound, which was healed again. Only they don’t always hide this harmed eye, because they WANT humanity to find out about it. In fact, it’s one big game we’re playing here, and everyone has their role. We are the heroes who have to make these facts known to the publc! If you show the Christ energy, they won’t touch you. So these Antichrist entities, like the Satanic and Luciferic entities, have the task of guiding your behavior and catalyzing your development. And the last step of development is to die psychologically (the death of the ego) and give up all the things that bind you to life in order to commit yourself 100% as a servant of Christ. Their task is to ‘guide’ you further in this under the threat of you or your friends/family being taken over.
It also doesn’t feel good anymore to eat meat. There is a disgusting industry behind it. Well, that’s what you don’t notice when it looks so good on your plate, but I’m just getting more and more resistant to it. It doesn’t feel good anymore. And I notice that if I stop meat eating, I’m probably more true to myself. Sometimes you just have a lot of things you do without actually thinking about it. But is it really just disgusting what you do! It’s a kind of purification of everything immoral about yourself that I’m in. Although I can see that becoming immoral is a necessary step in your development (‘blackening’ it is called in alchemy). You learn to know the world through it, but when you become aware of what you are actually doing, you go from being as immoral as possible to being as moral as possible (‘whitening’ in alchemy). That is quite a transformation. It doesn’t happen overnight. But you really need other people to hold up the mirror and confront you, that’s how awareness in fact comes into being. And that doesn’t happen without suffering. People sometimes talk about ‘the dark night of the soul’ with a rebirth afterwards. That actually started with me when I started to share the things I know, which I had stuffed myself with in recent years, intellectually speaking. At that moment I erased all my hard disks from my computer. All the music I had composed. All the pictures I had taken! All the magazines I had designed. All the movies I had downloaded. But also a lot of memories and beautiful moments I had with my family and friends. I removed it all. It’s all in my heart after all! At first I removed everything out of fear that someone else in my body would hijack it, but since then I share everything that is in my heart by writing articles. For most people it will certainly seem crazy, but anyone who has done some homework and looks at the world in a balanced way will only be able to understand it. Because this world is not as beautiful as it sometimes seems. It’s an incredibly deceptive world! None of what you hear on a regular day is true. And then the fact that you have to constantly add energy to everything to keep it in the same state. Otherwise it perishes. This entropy. It is actually bizarre. A lot of people are suffering! Though this is necessary to be able to grow. But if growing is at the expense of others, then it is not my cup of tea, I have known that in my life, but that is definitely a thing of the past. And if shrinking is at the expense of myself, then it is not my cup of tea either. Even if I still fall for that occasionally. But that feels so incredibly oppressive, that I feel like swearing a lot and I have the wish to break out of this prison. But usually, when I’m around people, I won’t allow that, so then the prison gets triggered again. A very annoying problem. The intention of ‘the dark night of the soul’ is that you start to trust yourself by immersing yourself completely in the pain, and giving yourself permission to be there, in all your beauty and ugliness. It is about being reborn and find your strength again. But unfortunately, that constructive part is not going to happen to me anymore, I guess.
Boxing Day 2020. What a contrast between yesterday and today. But I made the right decision, by not going to Utrecht! I won’t be fooled by a bunch of drones who were taken over, without an identity of their own, even though they keep acting still so sweet and nice. That’s really the hardest part of it all!
Merry Christmas to you all!